id be glad to
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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