I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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