All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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