i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just had sex on a roof
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize