Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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