but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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