I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
