70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So vagazzling was a success
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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