i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
