either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
