turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
