btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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