peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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