toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
