How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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