Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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