So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
