So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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