when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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