the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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