I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
