but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
