dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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