He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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