stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
