The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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