After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
