i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
