If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
