The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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