and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
