I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My ass is underappreciated
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
