Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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