Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
