i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
