Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
