omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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