guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
