it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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