walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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