I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
