Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
