you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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