Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
