Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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