loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
