You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
