you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
