Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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