I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
