gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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