I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
