By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
