her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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