I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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