she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
