you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ok first of all what the fuck
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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