): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize