I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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