Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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