like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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