He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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