chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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