I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
