....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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