What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
