i may or may not be watching the land before time
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why do cheetos always look like penises
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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