mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
