next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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