I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
