I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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