So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she looked like the before picture.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
