im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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