see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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