um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
